December 4, 2009 - Today

He came to see me today, to bring back my stuff and get his...I dressed nicely and did my hair and make-up.  I wanted him to have this as the memory of me, what he has lost.  I was planning on just giving him his stuff and then saying good bye.  But then we started talking..about our relationship, about us as individuals.

He told me that he knows that if he wanted to have sex with me, that he could.  I said maybe not.

I broke down at the end, I was pathetic and said that I just wanted to be with him in any way that he chooses...ultimately I know that I couldn't accept that.  I love him and need all or nothing.  I miss him..he really was my everything and all.  I feel numb...