Chronology of Thought

Jan. 22, 2010 - Company of Wolves

I was supposed meet him at 1 pm. I did really want to get there before him so i could watch him enter and approach. It didn't happen that way though because i had fussed and fretted all morning about what i was going to wear, that it was actually 1pm when i stepped off the bus and i still had a 5 minute walk ahead of me to get to the pub. My phone beeped, oh god i had a message. For the next few minutes the conversation went like this :

"When you get here, come straight into the pub and turn right. I will be in that room."

I replied saying " Thank you, getting off the bus now. I will have a cigarette en route. "

"Can i get you a drink, ready for when you arrive or will you choose when you get here?"

" Would you choose something for me please? "

" Glass of red wine here for you. "

A panic stricken " Thank you. "

" Enter and turn right when you are ready."

" Come on in i won't bite."

" Lol ok, coming now "

I stood around the corner, fretting for such a long time, i was terrified. I saw someone in my peripheral vision turn the corner. I thought it might be him and i visibly jumped but it wasn't. The poor woman looked at me like i was mad and i don't blame her, i must have looked a bit frazzled by now.

It is now 1.15, i was very late, i had kept him waiting for quarter of an hour. First and foremost i really didn't want to piss him off and secondly he had been so patient with me and he even had the good grace not to mention my poor time-keeping so that is what gave me the courage to make a move. The walk down to the pub was like a living nightmare, my knees kept giving way, i was shaking and i couldn't focus my mind enough to cross the road safely.

Eventually i managed to get across the road and i approached the pub with the precision of a military operation, keeping out of the line of sight of the windows so that if he did happen to look out, he wouldn't be able to see me. I got to the outskirts of the pub and hid behind a bit of tall stone wall. Slightly hysterical, i giggled at how ridiculous i must have looked while i tried to catch my breath. I cowered there for another five minutes then made the final plunge ahead...

You had given me exact instructions as to where you would be. I pushed open the door of the pub and i saw a bar ahead of me. Luckily enough the place was quite empty. There was only a group of 4 women sitting next to a table in a nook beside a large window. I glanced at them but they were engrossed in their conversation and didn't notice me.

There was an arch to my right and i could see through it into a small cosy looking room. The walls were lined with the usual pub paraphernalia, empty spirit bottles and various brasses. I walked towards the arch, my shoes sounding painfully loud on the polished wooden floor. I still hadn't regained full control of my legs yet. A few more steps and i was in the room that contained my possibly future Master.

He was sitting in the corner on a high backed wooden seat. My first impression was that it reminded me of a throne. Snatches of a previous conversation came back to me, about how he liked his space so i had made a mental note not to sit too close to him. He smiled, stood up and embraced me. I felt embarrassed by his proximity because he smelled so clean and scrummy and i must have reeked from all the cigarettes i had smoked that morning in my panic.

After we had hugged, he indicated that i was to sit opposite him on a low velvet covered, padded stool. True to his word there was a glass of red wine on a table mat, placed in front of the stool and he was drinking a pint of some ale. I sat down, so did he and i stared at him for a few moments. He was dressed in black which i love, broad shouldered with a slim waist but he was well built, powerful looking and he had the most amazing warm smile. I honestly felt like a fat urchin in his presence. A voice in my head was saying " Kill me, just kill me." I mean, i didn't want to be killed or anything like that and i was being rather over dramatic but i could have quite happily crawled under the table and hid.

To help things along and to embarrass myself further ( i'm good at doing that ) I blurted out the first thing that popped into my head. I said " You're very good looking." It was true but it probably didn't need to be said at that point. He was very gracious about it, he thanked me and if i was making him uncomfortable, he didn't show it...

Just wind me up and watch me go. I honestly have no idea what i gabbled out next. I was gushing like a schoolgirl, having 2 conversations, one with him and one with the sensible me in my head. Sensible me was telling me to stop acting like a fool but my runaway mouth wasn't taking the slightest bit of notice. Thankfully, he silenced me after a while. He just said, " You look cold." Then he reached over and took my hand in both of his, rubbing it gently to warm me and get the blood flowing again. It gave me time to pause and think back.

We hadn't known each other very long really, it was less than 3 weeks since he first contacted me. I wouldn't normally feel confident meeting someone this quickly but if i am completely honest this is the first time i have actually been eager for it. I had been hoping that he would suggest we come together, sooner rather and later. During the time that we spoke online, we discussed the things that he would expect from me, the kinks he enjoyed and what i could expect from him. He shared information with me about his personal life without me having to ask and i adored him for that, i hadn't known this kind of openess before. He did encourage me to ask questions though and if there was anything i didn't understand fully, he would very patiently explain it to me.

Daily tasks would be a part of my new regime, nothing major or too time consuming, just little rituals to remind me of him and of my devotion to him if things progressed further. I wanted them to but obviously that would be his decision and i still had no idea if he thought i was suitable or not. The next thing that happened gave me a clue that he was thinking of keeping me.

He noticed that i was wearing a bracelet and he touched it, examining it with such gentleness. I blustered because it was turning me on having him examine my cheap bit of jewellry. He turned it around so that he could see the charms underneath, carefully saying out loud what each one was as he delicately touched each charm in turn. I mentioned that i had forgotten to wear a necklace today and he said that was ok, that he had a necklace in his pocket for me. He handed me a black jewellers box. I was stunned and touched that he had gone to the trouble of buying me a gift, it was unexpected. I tried to prise the lid off but my fingers had no strength in them. Like a child, i meekly held out the box and asked if he could open it for my please.

Inside was a silver chain and a round pendant. It showed a black pewter wolf, howling at a white enamel full moon. It was beautiful and a perfect choice considering an interest that we both share. Actually he reminds me of a wolf at times. I shivered because i knew what this meant. The necklace was to be a symbolic collar, something that i could wear in public as a constant reminder that i belonged to him now. I stared at it for ages, drinking in what it would mean once he put it around my neck. I reluctantly closed the lid and handed it back to him for later. We ordered another drink, chatted some more then left the pub to go to his home. I was so excited...

Walking beside this very attractive, tall and virile looking man was giving me cheapies. His home is at the top of a very steep hill. He strode ahead of me while i trundled behind, jogging some of the time to keep up. I couldn't help but smile at how ridiculous i must have looked. We arrived at his front door, he entered and i stood on the doorstep, red faced and out of breath. I asked if i could stay outside a while so i could smoke but he said no, i could smoke inside and he told me to come in. We went into the living room, i was handed an ashtray and i lit up while he opened a window. I didn't want to smoke in front of him and felt bad for doing so, especially as he sat beside me on the sofa. I turned away from him slightly so i could blow the smoke out of the window. Now i'm thinking about it, it was a rather ignorant thing to do but it didn't occur to me at the time. I felt his hand in my hair, tugging gently, playing with it. I closed my eyes, enjoying the sensation, losing myself to it, not wanting it to stop. I stubbed the cigarette out in the ashtray and turned to face him. He allowed me to rest my head on his chest for a moment then i was told to get up and follow him to the bedroom.

Standing at the bottom of his bed, i removed my shoes and coat and put them on the floor. I was told to kneel, my very first submissive act for him. My eyes were down but i could hear him moving about then i saw his boots arrive right under my face so i knew he towered above me. I heard him say, "Take your top off." There was no hesitation, i didn't pause and removed my top without question, plus the blouse i was wearing underneath. I am quite shy so didn't remove my bra but he leant over me , unhooked it and slid it off and my skirt was dispatched in the same way too. He told me to look up, he had crouched down and was holding the pendant. He said, "You know what this means don't you, you know what it symbolises?" I nodded my head, yes! Never had i been so sure of something. He was offering me the chance to serve him and to be the slave i knew i could be. There were no doubts, no second thoughts, just YES!

The collar was placed around my neck with a polite reminder that it was now " Yes Master."

"From the very first moment I saw you across the room, I knew you were my destiny. No man had ever captured my attention so fully or made my heart skip a beat the way it did that chilly February day. Your smile lit up the entire room, your laughter was delightfully contagious and your mere presence warmed my heart and soul"

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About Me

I've always wanted to keep a regular journal, just so i have a record of events and thought processes that i can look back on. Maybe see where i have made mistakes or just to remember little things. I dare say i might offend some people with my opinions but thats not my intention.

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