Thou Art To Me A Delicious Torment...

Faithful Servant

12:26, January 8, 2010 .. 1 comments .. Link

Adrian has said he'll be patient for me to decide if i want to become his slave again. A few things have been weighing on my decision, which has inevitably put me in limbo.

I knew what I wanted and saved myself for the "right" person. It took years - 8 to be exact - to find the right person to dominate me. It was more than just throwing myself to any ready hand. I don't believe I'm above or better than most, I just wanted to find the right hand to touch, torture and please me. Someone who could mentally and sexually attract me.I wanted to swoon from their individualistic demeanor and feel my knees weaken when they commanded me.

He took to it with eagerness. But he failed to see how special it was to me. He perverted our experience, thinking with his cock, and inherently dirtied our things. He may have bought them but those were our things. Toys that brought pain, pleasure, love and servitude. I feel like I gave him my virginity and he spread himself like a disease.

He didn't see our sessions as spiritual experiences until long after I decided to end our M/S relationship. It seems it was just a way to control and mold me to his liking. Which I believe is only given to a Master/Mistress who has proven they are capable of protecting their slave emotionally, physically and psychologically.

Adrian tells me he didn't know what he had until he lost it but I can't help but ask myself, "Does this man deserve my servitude?"

He did things behind my back when we weren't together and when I couldn't take it any longer I ended our M/S relationship. So THEN he really didn't have to tell me anything. He didn't give me the respect or honor that I should have been given.

If I can't trust a man... why should I put my faith in him?

I gave him something beautiful... in a state that I found special and unique. But it wasn't unique. It was superficial. Fake. We were fake.

Just something new to tell any whore or child who'll listen. Your welcome for given you the "Wow!" factor.

And yet, like always I'm stuck like glue to your side. Even as I write these words my heart aches. Because I'll always love him. Because he can be romantic and thoughtful. Because he can be a good man.
Leave a Comment

Puzzled

01:51, July 17, 2010 .. Posted by Cyril
Hi,

First of all, I'm French (male), please forgive my poor english.

I've read your whole blog, and I'm ... puzzled.

I don't know if you wrote all the posts, or if you just take lyrics from some unknown (to me) songs, but I found it a bit melancholic and soulful. I have been touched reading you.

But I was stunned when I read your profile. We have the same age and we get interested in BDSM at the same time. For a long time, I never though I can meet (virtually speaking) somebody so close to me. The things I'm reading on the internet seems really far from what I live every day. BDSM world was like a dream in my head, and suddenly you make this - a bit - real.

Honestly, I'm jealous. Some guys will meet somebody as wonderful as you seem to be, and I won't. Never.

I don't know if you find what you wanted. If you don't, be patient, you are a gift for the man who will find you. I mean it.

Icing on the cake you are lovely ! So pretty :)

Ok, I stop here because I'm falling in love with a girl I don't even know if she's real. God, I'm so jealous :)

Luv from France,

Cyril